Tag: life

  • 2023 So Far…

    2023 So Far…

    I have read 178 books. I have seen 13 movies in the theatre. I have attended several parties, roller derby, a belly dance show, a burlesque show, a concert, and much more. My dad died. I reconnected with my half sister, Chelli. My dog died. I gained 5 pounds. I met several of my favorite authors. I made a ridiculous tiara out of Barbie heads. I turned 42. I drank mead, wine and cocktails. I learned how to drink water. I applied for a job I really wanted and I didn’t get it. I started a book club. I got sick and then got better. I bought a wonderful turquoise hat. I got compliments from people about my hat, my 80s jingle charm necklace, my hair tinsel, my boots, my general sense of style. A friend told another friend that she loved how brave and creative I was with my style. I didn’t write very much, because I wasn’t hearing the stories in my mind. There was too much static. But it is starting to clear and I am hearing words again. So…here I am.

  • October 11 – Taking down the Christmas Tree

    October 11 – Taking down the Christmas Tree

    The last couple years with plague, school, work, wenches and life have been difficult. I often felt stretched beyond my limits and the result of that was my Christmas tree staying up since I put it up in December of 2020. Part of it was that it had my favorite ornaments on it which made me happy to look at but part of it was just that at any given time I simply did not have the energy to take the tree down.

    Yesterday, the tree came down. I was doing a general clean up and I said, that tree is coming down today. So I took all the ornaments and put them in the tote that had been sitting by the tree since 2020 just waiting to be loaded back up with ornaments. I disassembled the tree and put it away. I swept the area where the tree had been.

    Today it feels like a weight I did not realize I was carrying was lifted off my shoulders. The tree is down. And I think I will put up the pink tree in its place this year. But I finally had the energy left to do this simple, but necessary task. What other simple things have I been neglecting for myself while filling other baskets with energy. All I know is that the Christmas tree is down. And I feel great about it.

    Also, today Angela Lansbury died. I loved her in so many films, shows and plays. Here is a collage of some of my favorite roles of hers clockwise from top left: As Eglentine Price in Bedknobs and Broomsticks, as Nancy in Gaslight, as Mrs Lovett in Sweeney Todd, as Princess Gwendolyn in The Court Jester, as Aunt Adelaide in Nanny McPhee, and as Jessica Fletcher in Murder She Wrote.

    Halloween Coundown for day 11:

  • Death, Life and Piecaken

    Death, Life and Piecaken

    On October 26 I received a text message from my husband while I was at work asking me to call him. Now, I don’t know if it is true for everyone, but certainly for me if Seth asks me to call him while I am at work something is wrong. So, I walked off the floor and called him not knowing what to expect. Seth’s Aunt Margie had passed away suddenly, and his mom had just called him to let him know. We were all in shock. Seth’s Grandma has been sick and is also dealing with dementia so honestly all of us, including my mother-in-law, thought the call was about her. Margie has not been the epitome of health in recent years, but we had no idea it had gotten so bad. She had a really scary medical issue about 10 years ago where she got pneumonia which converted to a lung infection that almost killed her, but against all odds she recovered with medical issues that were minor compared to what they could have been. She was so strong through everything and maintained her amazing spirit. She will be greatly missed.

    Friday we headed to Springfield for her funeral. On the way I received a text message from my sister-in-law Niki that said:

    Moira, my oldest nibling, is very goth which they get honestly because both their mother and myself were/are goth. (I am not always in black anymore but I have heavy goth leaning tendencies.) When the family finally arrived to the funeral home Moira had red eyeshadow with heavy black eyeliner, a black line across their nose and black lipstick. Apparently, this was the pared down version as the original makeup included spider webs, and witchy sigils. Moira was insistent that their parents were ashamed of them, etc. Niki was insisting honestly that she loved the makeup Moira had done, but it has a time and place and a funeral is not the time or place. I agreed with Niki, and told Moira they looked amazing in the pared down version. Honestly several family members complimented their makeup. I love that kid so much. They are an amazing artist in many ways including makeup.

    A couple of weeks ago we were hanging out with Chris and Niki, and they asked Seth and I if we would be the legal guardians of the niblings if anything happened to them. We of course said yes. I love those kids like they were my own.

    After the funeral we went home to feed the pets and then went over to Chris and Niki’s to wind down and play some D&D. We are playing and laughing and began to discuss Thanksgiving plans. I explain that my Mom decided that since we are walking 5 miles in the morning that can be our family get together so we are open that day. Niki says they can host for that side of the family then, and I laugh and say that I am going to buy this hundred dollar dessert I saw online for the day because it keeps coming up and I am curious. They laugh and ask what I am talking about. So I share with them…The Piecaken.

    Picture of an incredibly ostentatious dessert courtesy of Goldbelly.

    What is a Piecaken you ask? It is a pecan pie topped by a pumpkin pie topped by a spice cake topped by apple pie filling and all of it held together with a cinnamon buttercream. It is the brainchild of Pastry Chef Zac Young and is a fever dream of a dessert and you can order one to your home for $99 through Goldbelly.

    Niki immediately says she will pay for half if we want to do this thing. I laugh and go to the site where
    I realize that if you sign up for their news letter you can get an immediate $20 off. I do it and pretty soon we have ordered our very own insane ostentatious dessert to be delivered to Chris and Niki’s later this week to wait in a freezer to be premiered on Thanksgiving day. I am not at all sure about this, but I feel like it is going to be fun no matter what. I will let you know if it is worth the eighty dollars.

    Tell your friends and family that you love them. Do things that make you happy including wearing all the makeup. And eat the dessert. Life is short, do the things.

    Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com
  • 20 Days of Blogging

    20 Days of Blogging

    February is always a strange month for me. It feels like a transitional month no matter what else is happening in the month. Part of this is that Seth and I both have March birthdays, as does my sister-in-law, Niki, so we are constantly looking forward to what is to come. Part of it is also that in the last several years the majority of Ohio’s wintery weather appears in the month of February. Add all this to the fact that it is already the shortest month of the year and it becomes the ultimate liminal space.

    Because of that I often spend the month in a bit of a shadow work, self-reflection and deep thinking space that can be both insightful and a little painful. Maybe my mind wants to work through all the crap before I turn another year old, or maybe I have a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Currently I am working through some anxiety issues, some impressive imposter syndrome, and some issues with holding myself back because of fear of failure. These are nothing new but they are here and I am working through them. I am making myself journal some of this out, and working through it with Tarot as well. The work is necessary and not very fun.

    The plus is I am learning some good things about myself and my psyche as well, so you take the light with the shadow, right?

    Photo below of all seeing eye earrings made by the daughters of my friend Susan. They run an etsy shop called RoamJewels where they sell their beautiful jewelry.

  • 27 Days of Blogging

    27 Days of Blogging

    I used to be a prolific journaler. I always had a journal in hand. I used them as a diary, a planner, a scrapbook, and storage space. I still carry one with me, but I just don’t seem to use it as much as I used to. It is something I would like to get back to. I pulled out my old journals recently to help me write a poem for my poetry class, because I had a list of things I could be when I grow up and the poem needed to include a list.

    Today I was looking at these amazing pieces of my history. Taking a moment to read back through old relationships, how I have never really known what I want to do with my life, lists of things I want to do, buy or be, fun articles, my favorite horoscopes, and bits of overheard conversation. There are feathers, leaves, bits of ribbon, little drawings, poems, cards, and so many stickers. I read through the first days of Seth and I’s relationship, how hopeful I was while being cautious, it is so cute to read being a couple for almost 14 years (the anniversary of our first date is in May).

    My journals have been composition books that I decoupaged and decorated. They have also been beautiful art books that I have purchased from artists. I don’t know that I have a preference on which of these is better. I have loved them both, and worn them both out to the point that they are fraying on the edges and very well loved. The composition books have more me on the outside but it is the inside that counts, right?

    These books hold so much of my past in their pages. And I am shocked and dismayed to see so many similar themes popping up from then to now, wanting to be thinner, feeling directionless, hating my job, fearing change…over and over again. I can see that there are some big changes needed in my life. Or, I can see that my mindset needs to shift beyond these things.

    Here are some of my favorite pages, pieces, poems, and such from my journals over the years.

    I am feeling a pull for a new journal. I feel like I might have a new composition book upstairs. Maybe it is time to break out the ModPodge, magazines and ephemera to make a new one. And start making lists again and wishing and dreaming to myself.

    Also, in case you were curious here is the poem I wrote for class from my list.

    When I Grow Up…
    English Professor, or author
    or maybe both?
    Journalist, or radio host, or
    One of those crazy morning shock jocks.
    The girl who makes orgasm noises for songs,
    or the opera singer for horror movie climax (just a different climax).
    Counselor or psychiatrist.
    800-number psychic friend,
    “Call me now for your free tarot reading.”
    Belly Dancer? Lawyer? Warrior Princess?
    Open a bookstore, with a cat and lots of comfy chairs.
    As a girl I was told that when you hit 40 you are old.
    Here I am breaking the mold
    And trying to decide what I will be when I grow up.

  • A Vanity Makeover

    A Vanity Makeover

    I rehomed a vanity that was my mother’s a couple of years ago after my aunt moved. It has been sitting in my bedroom acting as a catch-all since. I recently decided that I would like to set it up, alongside a nyx travelcase I bought off a local auction site (I got it for about $40 and it retails online for $500. A total steal!), and start getting ready there in the morning.

    First step was to paint the vanity. I decided I wanted it to be pink, incredibly pink, so off we went to Lowes to buy paint. I ended up choosing a paint called Flower Power. I got the furniture/cabinet paint because it said there was no need to sand or prime when using it. It did take several coats of paint, but the wood was quite dark, so that is not super surprising. Here are some before shots of the vanity and the top of the stool.

    Here is some part of the way shots. This was 1-1.5 coats in.

    The final product with Nyx Case set up beside and ready for me to get reasy in the morning! I am so in love with this. I will be adding more decoration, but I am so happy with how this turned out.

  • Holy Sh#T! It’s July!

    Holy Sh#T! It’s July!

    How did this happen? How is the year halfway over? I have no idea but it is.

    I am that much closer to Forty, OMG! I am not overly worried about turning forty, but there are certain things I would like to do before that birthday hits. I would like to get closer to my weight loss goal, if not hit it. I would like to find a new job that allows me to use my degree any at all. I would like to get more regular with my writing schedule. So many things.

    I am a woman who likes to set goals, and gets a thrill when I reach them. I am also a woman who is prone to procrastination. Take procrastination and add on the pandemic and suddenly I am barely a functioning person.

    Anxiety and depression are rearing their heads for me in a big way and I am having trouble convincing myself that I should reach out to my PCP for help. Sometimes at times like this calling to make an appointment feels like an impossible task. I will get there and make the call, just not quite yet.

    On a plus my little sister surprised me with a little planter the other day that is Albert Einstein, so I bought a tiny succulent for it. It looks amazing and kinda like Albert is wearing a black sweatband.

  • Stop Pretending…How I Became an English Major.

    Stop Pretending…How I Became an English Major.

    When I decided to begin college in 2009-10 I did so because I decided I needed a change in my life, so I was going to go to school to become a paralegal. I applied and was accepted to the paralegal program at a local community college, and began taking a mixture of classes in my field and prerequisites. My first term was intro to paralegal studies and English 1 since it had been a year or two (or ten) since I graduated.

    Intro to paralegal was interesting, but I absolutely thrived in the English class. I got a 95 on my first paper which absolutely ruined the curve for the rest of the class. I had forgotten how much I loved to write. I thrived when given a topic to research and write a paper on. It all came back to me, how much I love to read and write. I hadn’t forgotten exactly, but I had pushed it aside to concentrate on other things. I left the class with an inkling but still determined to become a paralegal.

    Then I began my second required English class with Professor Abrams. Within the first couple of classes he looked me right in the eye and asked what my major was I answered and he said, “No, you are an English Major.” I laughed and shook my head. The whole rest of this class he would occasionally say something to me about being in the wrong major, and that I should be an English major. I just kept laughing, shaking my head and telling him he was wrong,  but in the back of my head I kept repeating his words over and over again to myself.

    My final paper for the class was on the Edgar Allen Poe story “The Fall of The House of Usher.” I researched thoroughly and presented a paper I was incredibly proud of. I got full marks, and under the grad he had written “Betsy, Stop pretending. You are an English Major! Brilliant work.” It felt like a punch in the stomach. I know looking back that it was that moment that I decided I would be changing my major from paralegal to English.

    I did not change right away, though, first I slogged through two or three more paralegal studies classes, and several more prerequisites. Then I looked at my husband and asked if he would object to me changing my major to English. He reasonably asked me what I would do with my degree, to which I said “Teach I guess.” And in spite of my lack of plan and job prospect my husband could tell it meant the world to me, so he said of course if it will make you happy. So, I went to the school and asked to change to English.

    I graduated with my associate’s degree, and decided that I should go ahead and finish my bachelor’s. I enrolled in an online program that would work with my full time work schedule. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in early 2019 approximately 10 years after I decided to change my career trajectory by going back to school. Then I decided to enroll in Grad school and pursue my Master’s degree.

    I am absolutely not sad that I made the decision to change my major, and my life. I found my love of writing again,  and my love of reading. I found a passion I had forgotten. And when working on my degree I was forced to confront the fact that I had never considered being a writer/author as being a viable outcome. I had told myself that was an improbable and impossible dream that I could never possibly fulfill, but suddenly I was being told it is an absolutely viable career choice. So the question became, is that what I want? Do I want to be an author?

    I am still not sure I know the answer to that. I know I want to write, but I am still not sure exactly what form that is going to take. I guess I just keep writing and learning, and eventually something will strike a chord. In so many ways getting my degree actually didn’t change my career at all. I am still working for the bank I was working for when I began. My job does not use my degree in the slightest currently. Right now I am focused on finding a job that utilizes my ability as a writer, editor and creative.

    Thank you Professor Abrams for telling me again and again that I was an English Major until it sunk in. Would I have gotten there on my own eventually, probably, but who knows. Sometimes, when you are me, you just need it spelled out for you, in blue pen, on the bottom of a paper.

  • Isolation Chronicles: Making Moves Toward the Future

    Isolation Chronicles: Making Moves Toward the Future

    Last week I had a phone call meeting with the lovely and amazing Joanna DeVoe that I was lucky enough to win earlier in the month. We talked about ideas that I have been having and how to make them happen, developing my “brand” and how to find my tribe. It was enlightening, inspiring and kicked my creativity into high gear. I have so many thoughts and ideas percolating. I feel like I won so much more than just a phone call. Joanna is the bizwitch supreme and she gave me so much in an hour.

    Then last Wednesday I got a job notification on Linkdin that a position opened at my company that would use my degree and be an amazing move for me. I applied on Thursday and today I had a first call with a recruiter. This position would be an amazing move for my career and for me in general, so I am really excited to see where this goes.

    It is crazy how much I have moving and happening during a time when it seems like there is “nothing” happening. I have also hosted zoom meetings, played online D&D and watched far too much drag race.

    I am still letter writing as well and I am going to show off some of the gorgeous wax seals I sent out today. I am so happy with the marbling I achieved on these.

     

  • 50 Dig A Little Deeper Questions

    50 Dig A Little Deeper Questions

    I found this on Pinterest and thought the questions were fun and interesting. So…

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    1) Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen? – I prefer black, and my favorite pen is Unibal Signo Impact 207

    2) Would you prefer to live in the country or the city? – I am an active person so I am best in a city, but I love the idea of living in the country.

    3)If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? – I would love to learn another language. Currently I speak almost no Spanish and French and I would love to be at least mildly conversational in one.

    4) Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar? – Nope. I drink both black.

    5) What was your favorite book as a child? – The Pobble Who Has No Toes by Edward Lear, and The Light In The Attic by Shel Silverstein

    6) Do you prefer baths or showers? – I love both, but I love baths.

    7) If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose? – Well, my myth for the Wenches is the Banshee and I am becoming very attached to her, so probably that.

    8) Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books? – I prefer paper, but for travel electronic is by far better.

    9) What is your favorite item of clothing? – My leather jacket and my favorite jean jacket.

    10) Do you like your name? Would you ever change it? – I love my name. I would never change my first name but I have joked about changing my middle name to Snow (It is legally Jo) so my name would be Betsy Snow White.

    11) Who is a mentor to you? – My mom, she is an amazing person. My fellow lady gangers and wenches. I am surrounded by some of the most amazing women.

    12) Would you ever want to be famous? – If so, what for? Well…I am a writer so being acknowledged for that would be nice.

    13) Are you a restless sleeper? – Generally, no. But when I get anxiety I can

    14) Do you consider yourself to be a romantic? – I do.

    15) Which element best represents you? – I am a water sign through and through (Pisces sun and Cancer moon)

    16) Who do you want to be closer to? – I would love to establish a relationship with my half-sister Chelli. I don’t know if it will ever happen, but…

    17) Do you miss someone at the moment? – I have really been missing my grandparents lately. My grandma died when I was 15 and my grandpa when I was 20.

    18) Tell us about an early childhood memory. – Some of my favorite early memories are swinging with my grandma in her backyard on a spring day. She would sing a little song and you could hear the turtle doves cooing. I still love to swing.

    19) What is the strangest thing you have eaten? – Probably alligator. I am not picky at all, so I will eat anything, but I think that is the strangest.

    20) What can you see outside your bedroom window? – My backyard from one side, and my driveway from the other side.

    21) What are you most thankful for? – My husband, family and friends.

    22) Do you like spicy food? – I love spicy food. When my husband and I got together 13 years ago I was absolutely not, but he slowly introduced me to more spice and now I love it.

    23) Have you ever met someone famous? – I have met Amanda Palmer and Brian Viglione of the Dresden Dolls several times at signings. I met Voltaire, Puddles Pity Party, David Sedaris and Ron Funches in the same way.

    24) Do you keep a diary or journal? – I do.

    25) Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? – It depends on the application. In my journals I write in pen, but when I am prewriting etc. I prefer pencil.

    26) What is your star sign? – I am a Pisces with an Aquarius rising and a Cancer moon.

    27) Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? – Crunchy please.

    28) What would you want your legacy to be? – I feel like I am working on that. I hope that my work with the Wenches Guild will last and build beyond our work.

    29) Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read? – I love to read. Scythe by Neal Shusterman, Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom and I just started I Am God by Giacomo Sartori.

    30) How do you show someone you love them? – I will just straight up tell them, but I also like to buy very selective and specific gifts that play to what they love.

    31) Do you like ice in your drinks? – Water, yes. Alcohol, not necessary. Soda, maybe.

    32) What are you afraid of? – The dark and I am not a fan of thunderstorms.

    33) What is your favorite scent? – Sandalwood, lavender, rosemary, lemon and mint

    34) Do you address older people by their first or last name? – It depends. At first by their last name, but if they request then I will use their first name.

    35) If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? – I would own my own business, but otherwise my life would be pretty much the same. I would renovate my house.

    36) Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? – I am not a great swimmer, so pools all the way. I only wade in the ocean.

    37) What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? – If I could locate an owner I would return it. If not I might report it somewhere.

    38) Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? – I have seen many shooting stars and I have wished on many of them.

    39) What is one thing you would want to teach your children?  – Well I don’t have any children, but I like to think I am helping to teach my nieces and nephew to be open, honest and inclusionary.

    40) If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? – I already have several, but some of the ones I am planning are the word Wench on my left arm, and a quote and maybe some artwork from the book The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern “We are all stardust and stories.”

    41) What can you hear right now? – Archer playing on the TV.

    42) Where do you feel safest? – With my husband, family and friends.

    43) What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? – I would love to better deal with my anxiety. I am already working on self-love, but my anxiety will always come back to bite me.

    44) If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose? – Maybe ancient Egypt, the past was kinda shitty for women, so it is hard to think of going back to those times.

    45) What is your most used emoji? hearts

    46) What is your favorite season? Why? – Autumn, though with climate change it isn’t much of a thing anymore.

    47) How would you spend your ideal day? – Go to Tommy’s Diner for breakfast, then go shopping on high street and to the Book Loft, hit a Mexican place for lunch, catch a show at a local theatre and then go out to dinner for drinks and maybe dancing later.

    48) Describe yourself using one word. – Creative.

    49) What do you regret the most? – Not going after my dreams when I was younger. Now I am just trying to make up for lost time.

    50) Invent your own word. What does it mean? – Somesense: It is more than sense and a direct opposite to nonsense.

     

    There you go! 50 more things about me. Are you getting tired of me yet?